Compassion and Our Perfection

This week’s blog is an excerpt from It’s That Simple: A User’s Manual For Human Beings by Mavis Karn. Letter Five – A Completely Whole, Perfect Person focuses on compassion and our innate, complete perfection.

With love,
Sara Joy
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Letter Five

A Completely Whole, Perfect Person

Dear reader,

The user’s manual assures us that we are already complete – that we have everything we need built into us from birth as a part of our divine engineering. In fact, since the day I first learned what’s in the user’s manual, I’ve never met or worked with a single human being who was broken.

I’ve met plenty of people who thought they were broken, some who could tell me where their brokenness came from, and still others who showed me doctor’s notes to certify the specific form their brokenness had taken. But in all that time, I’ve never met ONE PERSON who was not perfectly well made.
For example, I met a man yesterday who was very ill, sad, exhausted, and unable to see his way out of the heavy, dark place he found himself in. Besides being ill, he was also feeling the recent loss of a beloved sibling.

As I sat with him, I realized that I could feel him in my heart. It felt as though we were one person – that his being was also my being. I felt completely connected to him, like we were woven of the same fabric. It was a deep, loving, warm feeling of compassion.

What I did NOT feel was pity. I did NOT feel sorry for him. I did NOT worry about him. I did NOT try to cheer him up, give him advice, or try to fix him. I did NOT commiserate with him. (Definition of commiseration: agreeing to be miserable together.)

I haven’t always understood the vast difference between compassion and pity. That lack of understanding led me to react to suffering as though the person was helpless or weak or incomplete or “less than”. I would, without their permission, jump in and try to save them from their trouble – to solve their condition, to be their solution, or to be a hero.

How disrespectful!

How different it is to be able to see a fellow human being as an equal, as someone who is temporarily lost in a world of spinning, fearful thinking about their circumstances, just as I have been many times. How freeing it is to know that they are whole, complete, resilient fellow human beings who have just lost their way for a bit.

Here’s a story about one of the first times I really got how true that is…

Across the street from my office is a beautiful urban park, full of gardens, ponds, fountains, a basketball court, etc. Whenever I have a few moments, I take a walk and check the work of the Friends of Loring Park and their latest projects.

One day, as I approached the brick walkway around a flower garden, I saw a young mother pushing a stroller with a toddler in it. Hopping along in front of her was a little girl of about three, clutching a handful of flowers. Off to the side a few yards away, a man was sitting on a bench, bent over, staring at the ground. I imagined him to be homeless, surrounded by bags of belongings and looking despondent.

The little girl noticed him and stopped in her tracks. She stood there a moment and then walked over, reached out, and offered him the flowers. He looked at the flowers and tears rolled down his cheeks. She leaned in, patted his knee, and ran back to her mother. It took my breath away!

I may never have seen such a beautiful example of a human being’s natural capacity for love and compassion.

That little girl is who we all are. She did not need to be taught kindness, respect for human dignity, or any of the other things we adults hope our kids will learn. Once you’ve seen the perfection of who all of us (including you) are, you can never truly forget it. I know I will never forget that little girl.

If I am truly going to follow the golden rule and treat others the way I wish to be treated, I just need to show up and be myself. From there, I can bear witness to their distress and suffering by listening deeply to them from the cleanest, clearest feeling I can find. If there is anything more to be done, it will occur to me to do it.

I recommend compassion. Try it on for size. My guess is that it will be a good fit for you.

Much Love,
Mavis
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